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Been a long time since I updated the ol' white box. I'm now staying…

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Been a long time since I updated the ol' white box. I'm now staying with my sister, and having a much better time of it. I have my first WWOOF placement this September and the closer - and therefore realer - it gets, the better I feel about it. I've heard back from some other farms I applied to, and should get back to them to set up placements and then book my travel, but I've been putting it off. I do think it is the right thing for me to be doing about now. Sometimes I feel like I'll manage and just take on and work with whatever problems crop up, and other times it all seems impossibly scary and I worry about not having home comforts and being out of my depth. I can feel what the right thing to do is though, and as Maria said in The Sound of Music; 'I have confidence in me'.

I sage-smudged the flat Kim and I are staying in. I had been intending to for a while and we were both becoming increasingly afraid of ghosts and paranoid at night. I only did it yesterday but I do feel more calm and rational since. I also hung a little protection bag over the front door, hoovered and swept and lined the threshold with salt. I certainly feel more secure and confident. I have a sense of being more in control than usual. In general when my anxities start to surface I take a moment to forgive and assert myself, and say I'm doing the best I can, I have a right to be here in this moment and act however I want as long as I'm hurting no one. I also take the time to simply say 'thank you' when I'm feeling especially grateful. Things seem to work out, and fall in to a recognisable pattern for me recently. Just today I was searching Kims desks for envelopes when I saw a packet of perfect ones on the floor. Or I'll decide to make a pie and my gran will tell me she has a bunch of apples I can have. Little things like that.

Lastly, I think the presence of fat-postive sites and communities, fatshionista in particular, have done a lot to help me check my attitude toward myself in any anxious moments I have. And it seems to have spread out to other aspects of my life, and just given me a little more assurance and confidence. Feelin' good.
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On July 24th, 2011 09:05 pm (UTC), r4wrdinosaur commented:
I'm glad things are going good for you! Especially feeling better about your appearance/size. I gained a lot of weight recently, so I've been having a really hard time feeling good in my own skin, but seeing other people around my size looking really good makes me feel better about myself!!

I think as long as your eating well and being active, you'll always start to feel better about yourself. There's something about yummy fresh veggies and fruits that makes me feel awesome.

What is WOOF? It sounds interesting!
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On August 5th, 2011 11:01 pm (UTC), azerbijahn replied:
Sorry for my delayed reply.
Yes, it's so interesting the impact of seeing people our own shape (plus bigger and smaller!) vs only seeing people in one, smaller, shape has on our perception of what is normal and beautiful. I know I feel better mentally after a nice walk, but I'm not trying to eat any healthier, just preparing my own food instead of buying it. Even if that food is a big batch of iced biscuits!

WWOOF stands for World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms. You pay a small membership fee, around £20 depending on where you want membership for (I have UK mem. right now), and contact host farms through the official website. If they get back to you, you arrange a time to stay and work on their farm in exchange for food, board and the opportunity to learn about permaculture. I have my first placement next month and am so excited and nervous!
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